Heyooo Reader,

This week's email is about what happens when you learn to better manage your inner critic.

This time last week, I was on the way to host the networking event I run once a month for women in business. It was fabulous, full of uplifting, supportive, awesome connections - as it always is. But, that's not what this email is about.

Picture this:

I'm standing there, on the very busy overground train, drinking my tea and reading my book, surrounded by humans. The train stops, and more people get on. One of those people is a little old woman with a walking stick. All the people sitting down studiously look anywhere else but at her. No one gets up. This always really gets my goat.

So, I lean over to the young guy who is sitting in the disabled seat, tap him on the shoulder and ask if he can give her his seat.

What happened next was straight out of a comedy sketch.

The guy next to him shrieks, the guy I've tapped on the shoulder looks shocked, and for a split second, I have no idea what is going on. Then I realise, I've managed to tip my tea on them. The shame.

Cue furious apologising from me, the shrieking guy starts saying over and over again "are you serious right now". I was mortified.

Now, I'm a clumsy person. I often bang into things, spill things, and my legs are always covered in bruises. So this tapped right into my inner critic's narrative.

"You are so clumsy" she piped up, "will you never learn to think before you act?" (My inner critic is a ballerina called Tatiana, and she loves to tell me how shit I am at stuff).

To make matters worse, the guy I'd tapped on the shoulder stood up, gave the woman the seat, and then told me that he'd hurt his foot yesterday and couldn't put any weight on it.

Oh crappppp. Tatiana again: "What were you thinking, you should think about hidden disabilities, etc. etc." More shame. More mortification.

Once, Tatiana would have carried on berating me and had an absolute field day with this. I probably have would have muttered an apology, avoided eye contact for the rest of the journey, and felt terrible for quite some time.

But these days Tatiana has much less impact on my life. I still have to deal with her piping up, but she doesn't get to decide what happens next.

And that my friend is the trick, learning to notice your inner critic and have some tools at your disposal to turn them down. To be able to shift your perspective.

So, I thanked Tatiana for trying her best to keep me from embarrassment (in my head, not out loud, that would be weird). I took a deep breath.

Then, I turned to the guy, apologised for my mistake in asking him to stand up and asked him what he'd done to his foot.

Turns out he was working in a pub shifting barrels, which he was doing alongside his uni degree and an internship in AI. He was also ex military and seemed genuinely pleased to have been asked to stand up so that he could keep his injured foot mobile. Go figure.

We chatted for the next 20 minutes until I had to get off. We had one of the most fascinating conversations. All about the future of humanity, coaching, AI, finance, interstellar mining. I came away feeling inspired, and full of ideas, and not at all ashamed. Were it not for the tea incident Daniel and I would never have got chatting.

I told a couple of the women at the event about the incident (telling someone about it, another shame reduction strategy, shame loves hiding in the dark). And now I'm telling you.

Do you have a name for your inner critic? If so tell me about them!

If not, would you like me to run a workshop about how name yours and generally manage it better? Hit reply and let me know.

Deep breath, it's only tea.

~ Love Rosie Farrer

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